I’ve always been the type to be happier alone, with my time to myself with my own thoughts. I’ve labeled myself as introverted, quiet or shy.
Now, I’m happier when I’m alone, with you. I want to spend my time with you. I want to share my thoughts with you. I’ve labeled myself as your girl. You’ve changed up the game babygirl, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Can I say that everything has worked out perfectly?
Without hesitation, with 100% conviction,
That I could have never fathomed a relationship so perfect.
It’s as if every piece has fallen together in the most timely way.
Not every step of it was happy,
But every step had a purpose to it, and for that I am thankful.
You, my love, are the epitome of soul-mate.
Your presence has made such a profound impact, that your absence is felt to my very core.
I love you passionately,
With all of me.
And that passion erupts
From the soul that you have touched so delicately
And yet with a force so great
As to leave me feeling empty
Each moment you’re not there.
My angel, my blessing,
My need for you extends beyond my desire
And into my very essence
"I miss you." Is an understatement of the emotions that go into that breath of air. It’s as if each time one of us leaves, you take part of my heart with you and I feel paralyzed almost until you bring it back. This love is an all consuming love that transcends beyond every layer of protection I’ve built up around myself. It’s as if you’ve found the hidden door no one else thought to look for. You’ve shown me what love is supposed to look like. You’ve made me feel happiness beyond any possible thought. The words I try to put into the way I feel for you, how badly I miss you do not even begin to scratch the surface of how deeply it runs through my veins. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I could say that a thousand times over and it still wouldn’t be enough unless you were here next to me, back with that part of my heart that you keep. Baby, you have me. All of me. And this longing for you is not something I will ever get used to. Know that much.
There are so many emotions packed into my head and heart as I try to process what I’m feeling- frustration, anger, self loathing, sadness, all of it rolled into one giant ball of a low point. This is probably that climax to my neglect that I was anticipating.
How many times am I going to get to this point before I learn my lesson and change my ways? Time is running out and if I want to truly better myself I need to hustle hard but in some sense, to hustle hard and concentrate the way I need to, I should be living under a rock.
I hate myself at times like this. I’m frustrated with the fact that I can’t learn my lesson. I need to stop making excuses and wasting time. What the hell is wrong with me that I can’t even get one thing right. I need to just focus and focus hard. And maybe get some help. I need help. On the outside, it probably appears that I’m just lazy, don’t care, or have my priorities backwards. And because of that, I don’t know what the truth is anymore. I know I have ambition and I know where I’m supposed to be at but I don’t know how to get there. It’s so frustrating because I know my potential but I don’t know why I can’t reach it. I need help, I can’t do this on my own anymore.
I think that part of me feels guilty because I know what they’re thinking and part of me knows they’re right. I have been consumed by you. You’ve taken over me to the point where I have started to neglect the other parts of my life I know I shouldn’t be lacking in. But I can’t help it. You are to me what no one else has ever been able to be. You’ve shown me love in a way I never thought I deserved but always wanted and best believe I will do everything in my power to protect that and keeps things the way they are. But, my consistency with you and how I treat you has had a profound effect on the other parts of my life and that is a reality I am not willing to face at this moment. I’ve always been ambitious, but lost at the same time because of all these internal issues that I have never had the strength to deal with on my own, let alone with another person. The way I love you is the way I try to love all the people in my life, but because they can’t reciprocate even slightly close to my needs, I think that is where I’ve learn to put up my walls. Having willingly carried other people’s burdens and being the strong one they turn to has led me to believe that I’m not allowed to show my weakness which is why I always choose to struggle alone. But you, you’ve changed that and your presence, your love, your everything is like a drug to me that I can’t get enough of. I give in to my addiction for you so easily and so often. I want you all the time to just enjoy and keep by my side. I need you here baby and I’m scared. I’m scared to loose you, and to even think about not having you in my life. It’s hard to be away from you and to constantly have you on my mind. I can’t seem to focus on anything else. Since you’ve come along, it’s like nothing else in my life matters as much and that is the scariest thought to me. Of course I have love for my girls, family, sisters and whatever but you have become my number one. The only one I want to spend time with. I’m scared because it’s just so easy to not care about everything else and just give in to my need for you.
Caused by this empty nest
To hold down.
I’m a firm believer in using your voice as opposed to silencing it. Your voice is a powerful weapon and when controlled and mastered, has the potential to move mountains, create worlds, entice emotions, form amounts of love and reasoning possible beyond the mind’s capacity to even fathom. As a firm believer in using your voice, I’m here to tell you it is okay. It’s okay to be loud with me, to show me the side of you that utilizes your voice in ways uncontrolled by your mind, even if that may result in words that you did not know were in you because I am here to make you better. I am here to teach you how to use your voice, to call you out on the times when this powerful tool is wrongly used. I am here to guide you in the right direction. And maybe, one day we both will be eloquent in our words with the voices of two souls that have struggled on a journey to find their voices of wisdom, evident in the passion that is felt from the movement of air in our vocal chords.